I'm not prone to reproducing wine reviews but in this case I just couldn't resist...

LCBO thinking inside the box
Jul. 26, 2006. 06:12 AM
GORDON STIMMELL
GORD ON GRAPES

The mass conversion by the LCBO from bottles to Tetra Pak wine is hitting high gear. The idea is that this is environmentally friendly. In fact, these complex cartons are the toughest thing in your Blue Box to recycle and one of the most expensive to process.

The LCBO took five days to get back to me with an answer when I asked where its wine Tetra Paks are being recycled. I found it strange that the monopoly pushing this huge program so hard could not come up with an immediate answer. If a clean, local, well-run recycling system existed in Ontario, I am sure the LCBO would be running buses of journalists out to view it. Well, it isn't.

The latest development is the LCBO-mentored opening of a spiffy new Tetra Pak manufacturing plant in Richmond Hill to keep pace with its artificially generated demand. The LCBO did run a press bus out to this grand opening. A second plant is slated to open in Niagara in the fall to handle tanker-loads of foreign vino being packaged as "Cellared in Canada" wine.

Tetra Paks have three main ingredients: paperboard, polyethylene plastic, aluminum foil. To break them down, you need a pulp mill, which soaks them in water, then shreds them. The plastic and aluminum is deposited as a sludge. Little of the paper actually gets recycled, but what does goes into such things as toilet paper.

The used Tetras that are recycled make it to Michigan, where there are two plants to process them. But top environmentalists believe most Tetras are still winding up as garbage in Michigan landfill.

The Tetra Pak initiative brilliantly diverts attention away from recycling glass. The LCBO has resisted fiercely for years the idea of a deposit on wine bottles, which works so well at our beer stores.

As it stands now, different coloured glass bottles too often get broken up in the Blue Box process, cross-contaminating them so they become recyclable only for such things as fodder for roadbeds.

Entering an LCBO store is beginning to resemble an Easter egg hunt or a visit to a Chuck E. Cheese balloon party, what with all the coloured, glitzy, tinfoil cartons decked out in fun, Day-Glo colours. Over the last month or so, 17 new boxed wines hit shelves, including the first ever from an Ontario winery.

Recently, I spent a very sober Saturday carefully tasting all 17 with friends, one by one, nursing the vain hope that one would rise above mediocrity, or even perhaps be good. It was a crushing experience. And I am certain that pouring these wines down the sink later was not so wonderful for the environment.

OUT OF THE BOX: The first Ontario winery to launch is Lakeview Cellars, with four Out of the Box wines priced at $12.95 a litre. I find an honest irony in the words in small print on the carton: "Recyclable — where facilities exist." Lakeview produces some fine Ontario wines, but these are not. They are substandard-tasting leftover wines from other countries trucked into Ontario and packaged here.

Tellingly, Out of the Box wines are all non-vintage, which means they can blend different years together. This would account for the old, oxidized flavours (dried dates, figs) of the Cabernet Sauvignon and its aromas of salty potato chips and cheesies. The Sauvignon Blanc has a peanuts aroma (like ladybug-infested wines) with a sour cider vinegar smell and a bitter finish. The Merlot is better, but tasted cooked, like stewed prunes. The Chardonnay has a nice pear aroma, but the flavours are weak and quickly died.

Not an auspicious beginning. Other Ontario wineries are soon coming out with their own boxes, including Pelee Island Winery, Colio Estate Wines and Vincor International (with its Sawmill Creek line going into Tetras). None of these will be 100 per cent Ontario grape wines with VQA labels.
In fact, VQA executive director Laurie McDonald is cautious, even though the LCBO has been pressing for 100 per cent Ontario wines to migrate over to Tetras. "VQA regulations say glass only, but we are doing research on the Tetras," says McDonald. "We want to assess oxygen and ageability factors associated with the package."

McDonald adds: "A big issue is the image of quality, in consumers' minds. The second issue for us is do we need `best before' dates on such packages if we ever do agree industry wide to try the Tetras."

BOTTER FAMILY: Italians love big families, right? So the Botter family has come out with Tetras replete with their first names and caricatures of their faces on three new 2005 wines made from organic grapes. Each is $12.85 a litre.

The "Anna" Pinot Grigio Chardonnay is the best, with mellow pear and bubblegum traits. The "Alex" Marche region Sangiovese is puckery, with stewed, sweetish plum flavours. The "Luca" Nero d'Avola from Sicily tastes of sour cherries, figs and bitter wood. A fellow taster opined: "I swear I've had cough syrup that tasted like this."

SOLUNA: Italian producer Lamberti has two new boxed wines from the Venezie region. The 2004 Merlot has a brownish tinge and tastes a bit oxidized, reminiscent of dried figs, prunes and barnyard. The 2005 Pinot Grigio is dominated by floral musk, some melon and sour green, unripe pear — not pleasant. Each is $12.95 a litre.

BANROCK STATION: A few Tetras feature wines, such as Banrock Station, that have long been on shelves in bottle. Their quality tends to be better.

From Oz, Banrock Station 2004 Shiraz has nice cloves, black cherry and cedar dimensions, and is quite drinkable, but not great. Banrock Station 2005 Unwooded Chardonnay sports tropical crushed pineapple, melon and mango flavours, and a hint of sweet apple on the end. The Banrock Station 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon shows decent blackberry, cherry skins and cedar notes, also quite quaffable. The chard is $12.60 a litre, the reds $13.90 each.

A word of caution: these Tetras are messy and can glub suddenly all over your nice tablecloth. A picnic table is a preferred venue.

ALICE WHITE: Also from Down Under, Alice White 2005 Semillon Chardonnay has minerals, floral lemon and pear flavours, but is a tad green tasting. Alice White 2005 Cabernet Shiraz has black cherry and pomegranate flavours and is a bit skunky. Neither is near as nice as Banrock's wines. These come in 500-millilitre Tetra Prisma Paks, at $7.95 each.

VENDANGE: The California line of these I have reviewed before, but the 2005 Pinot Grigio is new and at least drinkable. It shows mild pear and apple spice with a bit of greenness. One of my fellow tasters commented: "It isn't awful! It's just not very good." It's $6.95 for a 500-millilitre.

RABBIT: Added to the Boisset line hopping around on shelves are two reserve-level wines. I was hoping for a lovely white to make up for its regular weak-kneed Rabbit Chardonnay in a box, which one taster dissed as: "This wine is so not there." Now, "Family Reserve" traditionally means, in the wine world, the very best lots reserved by the family for their personal consumption.

French Rabbit Family Reserve White tastes like it is blended from leftover lots after the good stuff went to regular bottles. I was hoping to see redemption to account for the $17.95 a litre. A blend of chardonnay, viognier, sauvignon blanc, marsanne roussanne and muscat grapes, this reeks of honeysuckle, peach, musk and rose petals, and has a very sour end, like biting into an unripe white peach. A neighbour said it simply: "I don't call this wine."

The French Rabbit Reserve Red, also $17.95 and non-vintage, blends syrah, merlot, pinot noir, cabernet sauvignon, grenache and mourvedre grapes in an assemblage that tastes bitter, like sour cherry, blackberry seeds and leathery plum. My neighbour summed it up with: "Tastes like a dishrag after you've cleaned up the spilt red wine." I found that the fruit stops, but the bitterness lingers long afterward.

If these boxed wines are the best that wineries can do, after the LCBO put out its massive call to producers in all countries to start the Tetra theatrics, we are in big trouble. There's only so much shelf space, no matter how you stack it. And many really wonderful wines in bottle are going to vanish as a result.